Dear Tucker,
Can I call you “Tucker”? I don’t really care because I’m sure as hell not calling you “Mr. Carlson,” like you’re the dad of someone I’m fucking back when I was in high school.
Anyways, I don’t watch your goddamn show because you’re an obnoxious, privileged, powdered pair of ass cheeks whose face veers between “serial killer who ejaculates while he stabs people” to “high school boy feeling a wet pussy for the first time.” Mostly, though, I don’t watch you because you’re a fucking liar. Sure, sure, you fool the Fox “news” rubes: all those shut-ins and elderly people who can be scammed by the crazed pillow dickhead and gun-fellating men who can’t get a hard-on to save their pathetic lives. Or marriages.
